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Tips
for Helping Children with Bullying
Tips
for a child who bullies others:
1. Take every incident or report of bullying behaviour seriously:
don’t dismiss any as a one-time incident.
2. Supervise the child’s interactions and play more
closely. Intervene to redirect or stop any behaviour that
is inappropriate.
3. Do not tolerate behaviour that hurts others.
-
Respond swiftly and consistently with negative consequences
(e.g., restrict time with others)
-
Focus on helping the child understand the consequences of
his or her actions
-
Practice actions or words that might make the other person
feel better or to make amends.
-
Help the child recognize how and when their behaviour crosses
the line from being acceptable to unacceptable.
4. Teach the child ways to recognize internal signals that
he or she is about to lose control.
5. Use real-life situations to practice kind or friendly
alternatives to unfriendly or bullying behaviour.
6. Teach the child positive ways to get what he or she wants.
Offer reasonable and acceptable alternatives for the child
to have power and control.
7. Praise and reward positive interactions and negotiation.
8. Do not label a child as a bully. Teach the child that
bullying is behaviour that can be changed – and it
takes courage to change.
9. Get at the root of the bulling behaviour. Use school
specialists and other professionals as resources.
10. BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL. When adults use words or actions
to bully or shame children or others, children learn that
those behaviours are acceptable. Avoid using physical punishment.
Tips for helping a child who is bullied:
1. When a child tells you about a bullying problem:
-
Listen
to what the child has to say. Find out what support the
child needs – and what help he or she would like from
you.
- Avoid
blaming the child. This is not a time to focus on what the
child should or could have done differently (even if the
child “provoked” the incident).
- Keep
a written record of the incidents and make sure to report
them to the appropriate school personnel.
- Do
not encourage the child to fight back.
2. Observe how the child talks and plays with other children.
Help him or her to develop skills to make and sustain friendships.
3. Teach the child to be assertive and to say “NO!”
or “Leave me alone!” in a clear, firm voice when
feeling pressured or uncomfortable.
4. Help the identify social supports and practice ways to
stay safe (e.g. play or walk with a friend, identify and
play near children who could help or step, avoid eye contact
with bullies, etc.).
5. Teach the child to recognize “vibes” and body
language that could signal danger. Always encourage children
to walk away if a situation feels dangerous or out of their
control.
6.
Practice how to handle specific situations.
7.
Encourage the child to ask for adult help. Reinforce the
difference between telling and tattling.
8. Teach the child strategies for staying calm and confident
if teased or bullied. Help the child to develop techniques
for diverting a bully’s attention away from hurting
him or her (e.g. verbal retorts, humour or stalling tactics).
998
Nancy Mullin-Rindler Wellesley College Center for Research
on Women
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