Annie
08-10-2004, 11:02 AM
Why donor offspring need to know the truth
August 9, 2004
The Age. Melbourne, Australia.
Donor conceptions bring great joy to infertile couples - but the
resultant children often experience their own longing, writes Amanda
Dunn.
Neatly folded in Narelle Grech's handbag is a home-made flyer that
begins with a startling question: "Are you my half-brother or
sister?"
Although she has not yet mustered the nerve to distribute the flyers,
Ms Grech made them because she desperately wants to find the family
she is missing - a father who donated sperm to help conceive her 21
years ago and, she has recently discovered, four half-sisters and
three half-brothers created the same way.
"He's my biological father, and they're all my brothers and sisters,
and I've never had a brother and now I've got three, and... I want to
know them," she says.
Ms Grech is a member of TangledWebs, a group of about 20 people with
experience of donor conception, who believe the practice should be
stopped.
Co-convener Michael Linden donated sperm 27 years ago, and recently
met Myfanwy Walker, one of five people born from his donation and
also a TangledWebs member.
He believes the trouble with donor conception is that the
offsprings' genetic history is placed in the hands of the parents who
raise them - who may choose not to divulge it.
Mr Linden believes a person's genetic make-up is fundamental to
identity, and in the case of donor conception, "no matter what you
do, the relationship with either genetic parent is always going to be
skewed and incomplete".
Alice Kirkman was 12 when her mother told her the story of her
unconventional origins: she was conceived with eggs from her
infertile mother and donor sperm. Then her aunt acted as a surrogate
for the gestation.
Now 16, Alice is completely comfortable with how she came to be and
is in contact with her biological father.
She believes a person's biological background has little bearing on
their identity, but she would have been upset had her mother not
divulged the truth. "It's very important that people tell the child,"
she said.
In Victoria, the Infertility Treatment Authority oversees a
compulsory register, established in 1988, which records the contact
details of all parties involved in donor conception. Offspring are
able to gain access to the register when they turn 18. But this only
helps people born since 1988.
There are also two voluntary registers: one for those born before
1988 and another for those born since, in which donors or offspring
can leave more detailed information about themselves. So far, 57
people are on the pre-1988 register and 60 on the post-1988 register,
with the authority recently making three matches.
The Victorian Law Reform Commission is reviewing assisted
reproduction laws, with interim recommendations due next year.
Other donor conception support groups take a more moderate line,
arguing that families are made in many ways, and donor conception is
one that offers infertile couples the children they long for.
But they agree that it can cause problems if parents choose not to
tell their children how they were conceived.
The authority's chief executive, Helen Szoke, says fewer than half
the parents tell their children the truth about their birth origins.
Sandra Dill, chief executive of the support group ACCESS, believes
many parents are reluctant to tell their children because there is
still a stigma attached to using donors.
Access to information about donor parents has "changed dramatically
in the past 20 years", however, and is much less restrictive, she
says.
Ms Dill believes there may be ways to make information about people's
births more accessible, even if their parents do not tell them. For
example, the information could be on the child's birth certificate in
a way that protects privacy.
Leonie Hewitt, of the Donor Conception Support Group, felt so
strongly about tracking down the donor fathers of her three children
that she waged a seven-year battle to find them, eventually
succeeding with her younger two children but not her eldest.
She says it is important for people to know their medical history,
and also to know who they are related to, should they meet them later
in life.
Mrs Hewitt, who was a state ward and did not know her own parents,
also wanted to shield her children from the same trauma she
experienced.
Nonetheless, she says, "it's a great way to have a family".
Melbourne IVF chairman John McBain has sympathy for people who want
to find their donor parents and cannot. But, while he believes
offspring should be able to get information about donors, it should
not be a "two-way street". He says if offspring first learn of their
origins from the donor contacting them it would be too traumatic and
disruptive to families.
August 9, 2004
The Age. Melbourne, Australia.
Donor conceptions bring great joy to infertile couples - but the
resultant children often experience their own longing, writes Amanda
Dunn.
Neatly folded in Narelle Grech's handbag is a home-made flyer that
begins with a startling question: "Are you my half-brother or
sister?"
Although she has not yet mustered the nerve to distribute the flyers,
Ms Grech made them because she desperately wants to find the family
she is missing - a father who donated sperm to help conceive her 21
years ago and, she has recently discovered, four half-sisters and
three half-brothers created the same way.
"He's my biological father, and they're all my brothers and sisters,
and I've never had a brother and now I've got three, and... I want to
know them," she says.
Ms Grech is a member of TangledWebs, a group of about 20 people with
experience of donor conception, who believe the practice should be
stopped.
Co-convener Michael Linden donated sperm 27 years ago, and recently
met Myfanwy Walker, one of five people born from his donation and
also a TangledWebs member.
He believes the trouble with donor conception is that the
offsprings' genetic history is placed in the hands of the parents who
raise them - who may choose not to divulge it.
Mr Linden believes a person's genetic make-up is fundamental to
identity, and in the case of donor conception, "no matter what you
do, the relationship with either genetic parent is always going to be
skewed and incomplete".
Alice Kirkman was 12 when her mother told her the story of her
unconventional origins: she was conceived with eggs from her
infertile mother and donor sperm. Then her aunt acted as a surrogate
for the gestation.
Now 16, Alice is completely comfortable with how she came to be and
is in contact with her biological father.
She believes a person's biological background has little bearing on
their identity, but she would have been upset had her mother not
divulged the truth. "It's very important that people tell the child,"
she said.
In Victoria, the Infertility Treatment Authority oversees a
compulsory register, established in 1988, which records the contact
details of all parties involved in donor conception. Offspring are
able to gain access to the register when they turn 18. But this only
helps people born since 1988.
There are also two voluntary registers: one for those born before
1988 and another for those born since, in which donors or offspring
can leave more detailed information about themselves. So far, 57
people are on the pre-1988 register and 60 on the post-1988 register,
with the authority recently making three matches.
The Victorian Law Reform Commission is reviewing assisted
reproduction laws, with interim recommendations due next year.
Other donor conception support groups take a more moderate line,
arguing that families are made in many ways, and donor conception is
one that offers infertile couples the children they long for.
But they agree that it can cause problems if parents choose not to
tell their children how they were conceived.
The authority's chief executive, Helen Szoke, says fewer than half
the parents tell their children the truth about their birth origins.
Sandra Dill, chief executive of the support group ACCESS, believes
many parents are reluctant to tell their children because there is
still a stigma attached to using donors.
Access to information about donor parents has "changed dramatically
in the past 20 years", however, and is much less restrictive, she
says.
Ms Dill believes there may be ways to make information about people's
births more accessible, even if their parents do not tell them. For
example, the information could be on the child's birth certificate in
a way that protects privacy.
Leonie Hewitt, of the Donor Conception Support Group, felt so
strongly about tracking down the donor fathers of her three children
that she waged a seven-year battle to find them, eventually
succeeding with her younger two children but not her eldest.
She says it is important for people to know their medical history,
and also to know who they are related to, should they meet them later
in life.
Mrs Hewitt, who was a state ward and did not know her own parents,
also wanted to shield her children from the same trauma she
experienced.
Nonetheless, she says, "it's a great way to have a family".
Melbourne IVF chairman John McBain has sympathy for people who want
to find their donor parents and cannot. But, while he believes
offspring should be able to get information about donors, it should
not be a "two-way street". He says if offspring first learn of their
origins from the donor contacting them it would be too traumatic and
disruptive to families.