Life after loss

[silver280]

Hi this is my first time here and I'm hoping I've found a place to call home. I'm currently 9 weeks along in my second pregnancy and am scared and overjoyed all at once. I lost my identical twin girls on Good Friday (March 25th) of this year to cord strangulation and am a little afraid of what's to come this time. I was 23 weeks along when I lost them and was due for early delivery shortly thereafter. Unfortuneately it wasn't meant to be, as Melissa was stillborn and Karlie died 24 minutes after her birth. They were a very rare type of twins (monochorionic-monoamniotic) with a 1% possibility within sets of twins and a 15% survival rate so the odds were against us from the very beginning. But I've made peace with the loss now, although they are always with me. I held my angels for hours before they were carried away forever and I treasure that time with them.

So here I am now, and words cannot describe how happy I am to have been blessed again. I feel so much more alive and appreciate every little pain even more than I did the first time around. But I'm a little afraid of what comes after 23 weeks. Although I have an extremely supportive husband who loves me to death, it's still hard to express the overwhelming emotions that fill my heart and mind sometimes. The idea that there is joy after such a loss, is foreign to me and quite frankly brings with it a fair amount of guilt.

I'm hoping that maybe I can find someone who is willing to share their experience with me or at least be able to talk with me about mine. Thanks for listening.

[Annie]

:wave: Welcome

I am so sorry to hear about your twins. That is so sad and tragic. I'm so glad you have peace with it. :hug:

I have a friend who went through something very simular -- she lost her daughter just days before her due date to cord strangulation. She went on to have 2 beautiful children after that though. Please don't feel any guilt for feeling so happy to be expecting a baby again! Try to enjoy and savour every moment.