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How
to Create an Emotional Bond with Your Child
by Anthony Kane, MD.
One
of the most powerful tools a parents have for raising their children
is the natural emotional bond that exists between them and their
child. Children who feel close to their parents will have a strong
desire to obey them. No child with this type of connection to his
parents will want to risk hurting that connection by disobeying
them. When such a relationship exists, the mere look of dissatisfaction
on the face of a parent will usually be enough to curb inappropriate
behavior. This bond is so strong and so potent that it lasts even
though adolescence when most of the disciplinary tools at our disposal
are ineffective. Often, it is the only tool we have in guiding our
teenage children. Parents who do not have such a connection with
their children have lost a vital resource necessary for successful
parenting.
In
addition, this bond is essential for the child's emotional stability.
A recent psychology experiment studied people in their forties,
whose parent were emotionally distant from them. These people were
often depressed and lacked a sense of emotional well being. They
had more difficulty in adjusting to the work environment and new
social situations.
How
do you develop this type of loving bond with your child? It begins
in your child's infancy and is built by giving your child the love
and affection that he needs.
Many
well-meaning mothers are completely unaware that their own children
are suffering from the lack of physical touch. There are many reasons
for this. Most people associate deprived children as those who are
neglected, abused, or chronically ill. However, the truth is that
many of our children who come from good homes are not getting the
physical warmth and love that they need. In our two-income society,
unaffectionate caretakers, who provide for the child’s physical
needs with as little warm and contact as possible, often raise children.
Also, many of us did not receive enough physical love and warmth
as children. As a result, it is not natural to us to cuddle, coo,
kiss, and love our children affectionately. In addition, some children
naturally need more physical warmth. These touch-deprived children
fill our schools. They are the ones who often look sad and depressed,
suffering from not getting their physical needs for contact.
The
United States is one of the richest countries in the history of
the world. Yet, our children in general are touch starved. We are
busy with our lives and our careers. We often raise our children
in broken homes. We as parents are suffering under the burden of
so much physical and emotional stress, that we are often just glad
to make it through the day without hitting or screaming at our children.
Who has time to give them affection? Yet, this is what our children
crave most from us. We fill our houses with toys and things for
our children, but it is us that they really need.
There
is much talk about the generation gap. We all know that adolescents
naturally rebel. Sometimes we look at our little children and wonder
what is going to be in ten years when this cute little four-year-old
turns fourteen. Will he be one of the children who abuses drugs?
Is he going to steal? Is he going to do worse? What is going to
be?
You
need to take the time now, and give your child the physical warmth
and love that your child needs. If you build strong bonds of love
with your child now, while he is still young, then all these problems
that you read about, will be just that; things that you read about.
You will not experience these problems in your own home, because
you have developed a strong relationship with you child.
Good
luck.
Anthony Kane, MD is a physician, an international lecturer, and
director of special education. He is the author of a book, numerous
articles, and a number of online programs dealing with ADHD treatment
(http://addadhdadvances.com/childyoulove.html),
child behavior and discipline (http://addadhdadvances.com/child-behavior.html),
ODD, and
education.
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