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Do
You Play with your Kids?
by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
“Daddy,
will you come and play the farmer and the mouse game with us?”
my daughter called to me. My heart sank. This was about
the last thing I wanted to do right now. I was bone-tired,
had a million other things to do, and just didn’t
feel very “playful.” But, I did manage to give myself
a
fair-sized dose of guilt
“Sure,”
I heard myself say. “Let me just finish the dishes and
I’ll be right there.” I had a few moments to get myself
ready
to play.
What
makes playing with kids so hard at times?
One
of the things we struggle with is allowing ourselves to follow
the rules and agenda of our kids. Especially when we’re
tired. We’d much rather dictate the rules ourselves.But
if you consider it, why wouldn’t they want to make the rules?
My kids, like most other kids, spend much of their life
following the rules of others. Whether they’re at home, school,
or at team practices or lessons, they’re expected to follow
the rules. And they’re expected to do this virtually every
day. My job as an effective parent is to occasionally play
with my kids. And when I do, my job is to follow their rules
and agenda.
So,
if it’s so difficult for me at times to follow their rules
and agenda, how is it for them to follow mine? When we think
about how many times our kids have to follow our rules,
can we be surprised when they occasionally resist us? When
we think about how intensely they play, is it any wonder
they get upset when asked to stop their activity and do
what we ask? Can you imagine what that would be like, day after
day?
I
could hear my son and daughter talking excitedly about the
rules of the game. Their excitement made perfect sense. Finally,
a chance to “call the shots!” “Dad, you’re
in the kitchen,
and I’m a mouse in the cupboard in a little car that’s
driving around and making noise. You get mad because you
don’t know how to get me!”
The
rational-parental side of me wanted to question the possibility
of a mouse driving a car in the cupboard. And I knew
if I questioned the “validity” of this scenario, I’d
be lessening
the joy of pure play. Before long, the mice were tormenting
me again, and I was helpless to defend against them.
So
the next time your kids ask you to play, remember a couple
things. Remember how often you ask them to follow your
rules, and remember that following their agenda shows you
value them and their interests.
Most
kids do their very best in following their parents’ rules.
In fact, they show an amazing amount of tolerance and patience
when we ask them to comply. So, the next time they ask
us to play, we can ask ourselves a question: Can
we do as well?
Mark
Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance
their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE
twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles,
and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com.
or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.
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