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Please
Don't Go: Alleviating Separation Anxiety
by Dr. Charles Sophy
As
school winds down does your child wind up?
The
separation process can be difficult for all involved. Separation
anxiety is the conflicting feelings that children have when they
part from the person or people to whom they are most attached.
At the end of the school year, many children experience anxiety
when saying goodbye to teachers and classmates. Many experience
it again at the end of the summer when it's time to go back to
school.
Separation
anxiety is a normal process in a child's development. It is a
process that requires open
communication, as well as, self-awareness. The process will be
successful if several key points are addressed.
Here
are some simple Do's and Don'ts to help alleviate your child's
end-of-school (and back-to-school) anxiety and help them (and
you) enjoy a much happier summer.
Do's
•
Know yourself: Examine your thoughts and feelings about the separation
process.
•
Know your child: Ask questions, find out his or her thoughts,
feelings about the end (or beginning) of the
school year, as well as the meanings of communication.
•
Intervene Early: Don't wait until the last day of school or the
last day of summer. Address significant and/or consistent behavior
changes.
•
Follow-through: Say what you mean and mean what you say.
•
Communicate: Communication is key. Talk with teachers, listen,
learn, and, most of all, be open
Don'ts
•
Ignore your own feelings: Separation is difficult. Don't stifle
or undervalue your feelings in favor of your
child's.
•
Ignore your child's feelings: Your child may display feelings
of anxiety or sadness. Don't ignore or devalue
their feelings about the separation process
•
Give in or give up: Clarify the conflicts and work out a resolution.
Don't give in to the "I'm not going to summer camp"
or "I'm not going to school" threats.
• Underestimate impact effects of change: Children are creatures
of routine. Your child has been following a set routine for the
entire school year. Don't underestimate the effect that summer
holidays, illnesses, vacations, and deaths can have on a child's
routines.
•
Forget about age appropriate behavior: Don't expect your child
to exhibit adult behaviors when dealing with their anxieties.
And don't tolerate any age inappropriate behavior (such as when
your nine year old starts talking like a toddler!).
When to reach out
Keep
an eye out for the following signs that your child may be experiencing
separation anxiety. Most separation anxiety can be solved by increased
communication with your child.
•
Increased closeness at home etc.
•
Increased irritability and/or tantrums
•
Decreased desire to socialize
•
Changes in sleep
•
Changes in appetite
Remember:
You are the expert when it comes to your family and child. If
you have a concern, trust your instinct and find someone trained
to help you. Discuss your concerns with friends and family, too.
You don't need to worry alone!
Dr.
Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los
Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS),
which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly
40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice
in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively
and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University
of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures
and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those
in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep `Em Off My Couch" blog,
provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems.
He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To
contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.
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