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Holiday
Tips For Stepfamilies: Let Go Of The "Brady Bunch"
Fantasy!
by Lisa Cohn
When
Bill and I first formed our stepfamily, I had many fantasies about
how our family would behave like the "Brady Bunch" over
the holidays-- a happy, harmonious unit. Then reality struck, and
we couldn't even agree on how to decorate the Christmas tree! Ultimately,
we created a "his" side-with multi-colored, blinking lights
and tinsel-and a "hers" side-with hand-painted eggs and
popcorn strings. Seven years later, I can tell you that trying to
create a "Brady Bunch" holiday sets stepfamilies up for
failure. Instead, I suggest you follow these tips:
- Examine
and try to let go of your "Brady Bunch" fantasies.
- Continue
"old" holiday traditions with your biological kids while
creating new ones for the stepfamily.
- If
the kids don'tbuy into your fantasy holiday, try to see the world
from their point of view.
- Practice
the fine art of silence when your stepfamily is stressed by the
holidays. You don't have to share all your negative feelings.
- Don't
compete with your children's "other" parents by showering
kids with expensive gifts.
- Stepmoms,
reach out to your stepkids' mother. Buy her a gift. Tell her you
appreciate her children.
- Don't
fight withex-spouses about how much time you will spend with children
overthe holidays. It only hurts the children
- Invite
your ex-spouses over for a holiday party. Brace for surprises.
- Join
a stepparent support group to share the many feelings about "family"
that come up during the holiday season.
Lisa
Cohn is co-author of "One Family, Two Family, New Family: Stories
And Advice For Stepfamilies," a 2004 Gold National Parenting
Publications Award winner. For more information, visit
www.stepfamilyadvice.com
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