Starts Before Pregnancy
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
it may seem farfetched to some people, many of my clients remember
what they felt and experienced while still in the womb. Comments
such as these are not unusual:
knew even before I was born that my mother didnt want me.
could feel my mothers fear and anxiety even before I was born.
does not start once the child is born. Good parenting starts even
before getting pregnant. It starts by caring about what you eat,
how much exercise and sleep you get, and by making sure that you
are taking responsibility for your feelings of anxiety and stress.
Your baby will feel what you feel, so learning how to be in peace
and joy before getting pregnant is part of good parenting.
being pregnant. I had always wanted children so I was thrilled to
be pregnant. I loved feeling the baby moving within me, awed by
the very fact of creating new life. I loved feeling an elbow or
a knee slide across my stomach. I loved that my body could be a
receptacle for bringing through this soul, this angel from heaven.
I could not think of anything more profound, more worth doing. Who
was this unique little person growing in my body?
every book I could on parenting and thought endlessly how I wanted
to be a different parent than my parents were.
problem was that I have never thought about how much my relationship
with myself and with my husband might affect this child.
husband was angry, distant and withdrawn during my pregnancy and
the first three months after giving birth to our son. He was a person
who wanted control and he was not happy that I got pregnant six
months before we had planned. He didnt open his heart until
our son smiled at him at three months of age.
young, I had no idea how to handle the loneliness I felt at not
having my husband joyfully involved in the hugest event of my life.
Had I known then what I know now, I would have done anything I could
to get the help we needed to bring our relationship back into caring.
We cant go back, but Im sure that my son felt the lack
of joy that existed between my husband and me. Im sure he
felt the depth of my loneliness. I wish I knew then what I know
now about taking responsibility for my own feelings.
pregnant and giving birth are enormous events in a womans
life, especially the first child, which changes your life so dramatically.
If you do not know how to take responsibility for your own feelings
of anger, hurt, anxiety, depression and loneliness, things will
only get worse after giving birth. A child does not solve problems
hard to imagine before having a child what it is like to be responsible
for another life 24/7. If you have not learned how to lovingly parent
yourself before giving birth, you might find yourself getting lost
as parent your baby. Good parenting starts before getting pregnant,
with learning how to take loving care of yourself.
you have a desire to be a good parent, here are steps you can take
before getting pregnant:
Physical health: make sure that you are in good physical shape by
eliminating sugar and artificial sweeteners. Start to shop in health
food stores and buy only organic products. Eliminating pesticides
and food additives is essential for good health. Also be sure to
get enough exercise and sleep.
Emotional health: instead of having your eyes on your partner, turn
your eyes inward and begin to compassionately notice your own feelings.
Start to treat your own feelings in the same way you are planning
on treating your future childs feelings - with caring and
understanding. In addition, start to practice taking loving action
in your own behalf - standing up for yourself, speaking your truth,
taking time for yourself. Practice taking loving care of your own
feelings instead of making your partner responsible for how you
feel. Begin to notice what you think and do that may be causing
you stress. Changing thoughts and behavior that cause your stress
before getting pregnant is essential for good parenting.
Spiritual health: practice opening to a higher source of guidance,
wisdom, strength and comfort. This can be your own highest, wisest
self within you, or a Higher Power outside of you. You will find
that being able to turn a source of wisdom and comfort within or
without will go a long way in helping you stay loving and stress-free
with yourself, your partner, and your baby. In addition, this will
help you know what to do in different challenging situations with
you are planning on having a baby, start today in becoming a good
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved
By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding
healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for
a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com
Phone sessions available.