How's Dad Doing?
the dynamics between men and women during pregnancy
By Chris Souther

It’s easy to get jealous of all the attention your spouse is getting when you’re having a baby. Between the phone calls and all the squeals of excitement from friends and sometimes even perfect strangers, many guys feel like an unnecessary piece of the pregnancy equation after that first big necessary donation. Not only are these feelings natural, but in a sense, they are necessary.

Let’s think about this for a few minutes. The first thing we must remember is that the idea of the woman of the family being in any way a necessary part of the family provider, is a new idea. Even if you forget the evolution of mankind from Adam’s day, or if you’re a Darwinian, from the age of apes, women have been homemakers for 99.99% of humanities history. Men have been the ones who have taken care of wife and family. Nature has taken steps to make sure certain physical and psychological changes happen within the family dynamic to make having a baby work.

By now, you’ve no doubt read or heard about Couvade symptoms. These are symptoms that parallel those of your pregnant wife. One thing a man’s body does as the pregnancy progresses and to an even larger extent immediately after the baby is born, is lower your testosterone. What that does is make you gain weight, make you feel less energetic, and most noticeably perhaps, make you less interested in sex. What this does for the family is keep you at home, close to mom, taking care of her needs, often because her needs now parallel your wants. She wants cake and now cake sounds good to you too. Also, now that you’re this new person, you’re less desirable to other women. Nature is brutal, no?

Unfortunately, many women fall prey to the idea that being pregnant is all about her. That for some reason, she should ignore her marriage and the close relationship she’s shared with her husband for all this time, and instead focus solely on meeting her and the child’s needs and wants. You see this idea pushed in pregnancy classes, from relatives, and most noticeably and strangely, from liberally-minded women. Some may call me a brute, but I think this is not only selfish, but also detrimental to the family. Certainly the woman needs more attention. Her back is going to hurt and she’s going to want it rubbed. She’s going to be too tired to cook dinner and vacuum the floors and when these things aren’t done, they add to her anxiety level. I agree that husbands should help out here and possibly even completely take over these chores. However, I feel this shouldn’t be a time of absolute attention abandonment of a woman’s partner.

My wife is a prime example of this. She’s currently 7 months pregnant. The other evening I had built a nice fire, cooked dinner, and generally taken care of everything that needed it. Now, I’m a full time student again after working for ten years so I feel that when I’m at home, it’s my job to do what I can. My wife works full time and generally doesn’t have to worry about cooking or cleaning. Even still, she insisted on giving me a short rubdown to help me relax after a day of school and homework. I told her that if anyone saw what was going on, I would surely get yelled at. Perhaps my wife is a rarity, but she’s a role model of how a relationship should still function during pregnancy.

Pregnancy should not mean a suspension of roles between a man and women. If anything, a couple should use this time to increase their love and respect for each other because let’s face it, these are the quiet times. These are the few remaining moments that you will be able to just sit still and enjoy each others’ company without worrying about dirty diapers or scattered toys or cries to have a story read aloud. It may be a tough sell, dads, but in the end this road will only enrich your relationship with your spouse. Instead of fostering resentment and depression, you’ll feel more involved with your wife and coming child. There’s no down side here other than your wife might have to change her way of thinking a little. It may be a tough sell, but if you’re having problems like those discussed here, a heart-to-heart talk could make the difference between an enjoyable time in your relationship and the widening of a gap between friends. Best of luck. Keywords: pregnancy, children, family, new dad, relationships

About the Author
Chris Souther is a Technical / Freelance Writer & Trainer in Atlanta, GA. His freelance articles cover a wide variety of topics. See his most current E-book on Job Hunting at: Http://Learn.To/GetaJobOnline